It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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