well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
