the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
