it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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