i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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