there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
