you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
