so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
