Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
