I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
