this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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