Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
