chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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