How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
