Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
