im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
