we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
