If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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