If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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