Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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