K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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