I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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