At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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