I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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