If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I fill condoms, not promises.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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