Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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