none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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