Betty ford says i'm here all night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
