very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
