these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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