I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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