so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
