and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
