That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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