Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
