Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
