the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
