I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
