How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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