Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
