I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
whose parrot is this?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize