We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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