You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize