Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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