ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize