Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
