God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize