I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
