Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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