He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We left the knife in your bed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
