You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
