my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
