Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
