I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
