I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
