those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
