coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
