Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
