idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Welp...herpes.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
