i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
