I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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