We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
