I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
