Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
