dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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