I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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