Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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